we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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