I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
