Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just high enough for therapy.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
