I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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