Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
