i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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