Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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