My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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