Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
