Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
