I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
