I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
