Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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