I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
