During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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