i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
