i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Randomize
