So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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