I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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