Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
