Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Randomize
