Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
