So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
