like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
