I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
What drink are we having for lunch?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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