he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
