I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
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