3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
