Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
