I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
These tits shall not be calmed
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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