Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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