I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I believe in your delicious
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
