Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
