I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
