i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
