Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
