put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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