Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
