Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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