My sheets look like a crime scene.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
