So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
