$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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