so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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