If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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