Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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