Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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