It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
