Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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