I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
