a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
