Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
